3 Traps That Women Fall Into

The 3 “Traps” That Can Kill Your Chances Of Ever Turning Your Relationship Around There are 3 big traps women fall into when things in their relationship aren’t working.

Dangerous Trap #1:

Taking Over For Him When Things Aren’t Working

Women can and should be assertive in their lives.It’s not a turn-off.It’s attractive, it’s natural, and it’s part of a woman’s power.Men appreciate and worship confidence, assertiveness and women who carry high self-esteem.Don’t ever be fooled into thinking otherwise.But when a relationship is in jeopardy, and you’re in that place where the littlest things seem to set off big issues inside your relationship… it’s not so simple.Ever since the 1960s and the women’s liberation movement, women have felt more empowered to be more assertive in all their relationships, not just in their marriages or love affairs.Chances are, you grew up hearing messages from the media, from friends, from books and magazines that it’s important to BE ASSERTIVE and speak your mind about what you’re feeling and what you need.It’s important to ask for what you want, or else how can you ever get what you want?Despite this, there may have been times you felt a little “put down” or taken for granted in your job or with your friends or family. And it’s probably likely there have been times you haven’t felt heard or appreciated in your relationship, either.For example…Your man is doing or saying something that is causing you a great deal of stress or frustration, and it’s driving you crazy.Let’s say the lawn is starting to look really bushy, he still hasn’t looked at the broken sink, and meanwhile he seems to be “wasting” a lot of a good Saturday morning messing around on the computer.You tell yourself that you need to assert yourself and simply tell him what he needs to do, or what you want.So you say something like, “You really need to mow the lawn today instead of sitting around in front of the computer all day. I’m sick of doing everything around here.”Let me ask you this – has that kind of assertiveness ever gotten you exactly what you wanted from a man?Did he jump right to it, kiss you tenderly on the cheek and tell you, “no problem, hon, I’ll do it right now.”I didn’t think so.It’s not wrong to ask and assert what you want.It’s how you assert yourself.This way of being assertive above tends to SHUT MEN DOWN, and it often builds hostility in men instead of diffusing it. And that’s because you are acting in a way that he perceives as being MASCULINE, and for him, that is an instant turn-off.Have you lost touch with your natural feminine energy?This is an energy you already hold inside of you. It has the power to pull a man a man closer to you and make him want to BE the man you need him to be.Because your man’s natural reaction to your feminine energy is for him to become more masculine, which is what will lead him back into being the man who loves you and leads the way forward for you both in your relationship.It’s this feminine energy that has the amazing power to CAPTIVATE a man, make him feel great, and make him want to do anything for you.In fact, it’s this that will have him ASKING and BEGGING to see what else he can do for you.Mature, strong feminine energy does NOT nag, “mother,” boss around, criticize or feel frustrated all the time.Exerting your natural feminine energy means being very open and honest – and I mean RADICALLY honest – with what you really want, feel and need, way deep down.So if you realize that you’ve been caught in this dangerous trap, don’t worry.



Dangerous Trap #2:

Asking for Advice From Friends and Family

Your man has done or said something that has really made you outraged or depressed.What’s the first thing you do when you’re alone?If you’re like most women, you’ll probably pick up the phone and call a friend to tell her about it.You’ll want to tell her about every single thing that was said, and what you thought and felt, because you’ll want to know from her what she thinks you should do.You’ll want to feel validated for feeling outraged or depressed.You want your friend to tell you that you’re RIGHT to feel angry or depressed, and that your man is a JERK for treating you that way.If this sounds like something you’ve done hundreds of times before, and if you probably also know that most of the “validation” and advice you’ve gotten from friends and family over the years has amounted to very little in the form of actual HELP for your situation.This is also a common trap that many women fall into when trying to save their relationship.They believe that they’ll feel better and get sound, positive advice from their friends or family if they can explain the situation in a way where they’ll be understood.But here’s the thing…No one will ever be as honest with you as you are with yourself.Your friends won’t tell you what it is they REALLY see, because they don’t want to make you feel WORSE than you’re already feeling.Your friends also can’t really know the nitty-gritty of how you and your man relate to one another, because 99% of the time they’re not there.Your friends probably haven’t had the insight and expertise to know what it really takes to make a relationship work for YOU and your man… so a lot of their advice may be leading you in the WRONG DIRECTION.Like, they may be telling you to LEAVE, when it’s possible all you have to do is a few small things to save your relationship and get it back on track.The danger here is that when you believe your friends or family when they give you “blanket” advice about what a jerk your guy is or how you should leave, all you’re doing is letting their biases affect your own good judgment of what is best for you.Don’t let this happen.


Dangerous Trap #3:

Not Sharing Your Hurt Feelings or Sharing Them Outside Your Relationship

I want to ask you a question and I want you to be very honest with yourself when you answer.Have you shared ALL of your hurt feelings and innermost secret needs with your boyfriend or husband?Have you admitted to him how much it hurts when he ignores you, or isn’t as affectionate or sexually attracted to you as he used to be?Have you told him how you feel about YOURSELF and how that’s affecting your relationship with him?Have you shared how it feels when he rejects you, or puts you down, or gets cold on you?Or have you instead said things like, “I can’t stand it anymore,” “You’re driving me insane,” or “Sometimes I just feel like I want to leave”?Or even worse, maybe you’re just THINKING those things and letting them fester inside you, while on the outside, you are winning the Academy Award for Best Actress pretending like nothing is bothering you.Is your guy a mind-reader?If your man doesn’t know what you’re really feeling and wanting, how in the world is he supposed to understand you and try to make things better?Telling a man “I can’t stand it anymore” is NOT the same as telling him, “I feel very abandoned and lonely because you haven’t been as physically affectionate with me as you used to be. It makes me feel unattractive and it hurts.”Here’s another trap you might have fallen into.Maybe instead of telling your boyfriend or husband how much you need him to find you attractive or sexy and cherish you the way he used to, you’re turning to ANOTHER MAN for validation that you’re attractive and loveable.It’s so very easy (and dangerous) to complain about your relationship to another man… an ex-boyfriend, someone you met on the Internet, a co-worker, a friend.It’s easy because it’s SAFE to share your hurt feelings with someone other than the person who hurt you.It’s DANGEROUS because it builds a false kind of intimacy with someone outside of your relationship… and all that does is KILL the intimacy between you and your man even more.Don’t go there if you ever want to get back the love and passion in your marriage or relationship.Turning to another man for the attention, affection or validation you need is never going to put you on the right track to getting what you need. It may even create MORE PROBLEMS within your own relationship… problems that aren’t so easy to solve or overcome.Just imagine how it is when you’re free from worrying how your boyfriend will react when you open up and are honest with him.Imagine what it’s going to be like when the things you say and do continue to bring you closer and closer together… even when things are at their hardest.Imagine the confidence and joy you’ll feel knowing that it’s not just you who’s holding things together… but your relationship shines so bright for you and the man you’re with that you both can’t help but stay intensely devoted, passionate and caring.It’s time you finally had this.